This might be a little bit of a different blog than what I normally write. I guess i just really feel led to bring to the surface romantic relationships and how to do them correctly. I have had my fair share of hits & misses with this subject (more misses than hits. HA!), but those misses have only showed me what I am looking for in a guy. This can relate to guys as well so if you are male and are reading this, don't leave yet!
Men vs Boys:
- A boy may talk with you about Christ.. but a man will show you Christ through his actions.
- A boy may be nice to you.. but a man will honor you and lift you up.
- A boy may make you feel like you are in competition with other girls.. but a man will not lead you on or make you feel like you have to fight for his affections.
- A boy will be caught up in what people think of him and his image.. but a man will realize that he has a bigger purpose beyond what people are saying of him.
- A boy may have "Christ follower" written in his bio on social media.. but a man will have it written on his heart.
- A boy may send you bible verse text messages... but a man will live those verses out.
- A boy may "accidentally" try to compromise your purity... but a man will make sure your purity is always intact and won't try to compromise that.
- A boy may get caught up in the moment.. but a man will live for the bigger picture.
- A boy may compliment you... but a man will uplift you.
- A boy may make excuses... but a man will be honest with himself and you.
Women vs Girls:
- A girl may have a beautiful face... but a woman will have a beautiful heart.
- A girl may dress modestly...but a women will have modesty woven throughout her whole being.
- A girl may have a bible verse in her twitter bio... but a women will have the verse written on her heart.
- A girl may make you feel special... but a woman will make sure that you know you have no competition.
- A girl may talk with you about Christ... but a woman will show you Christ through her actions.
- A girl may care about her outward appearance... but a woman knows that that is not all that is important.
- A girl may say kind things about people... but a woman will uplift people in every way.
- A girl may have a lot of friends... but a woman will surround herself with people who lead her closer to Christ.
- A girl may say that she puts God first... but a woman will show that she put Him above all else.
- A girl may pressure you... but a woman will make sure to never put you or herself in compromising situations.
As you can see, there are so many differences between a Christian girl/boy and a Godly woman/man. This is not all that makes a woman or a man either. It is very difficult to find someone who is focused on the bigger picture and is truly living their lives to glorify the Lord and I do believe that the reason no relationship of mine has ever really lasted is because I have been looking for the wrong kind of guy. I do not want to date a boy. I want to date a man.. (I know that sounds incredibly basic and like something one of those "Typical White Girl" twitter accounts would tweet, but it is so so true ;'] ). I am no longer looking for someone. I am giving that whole part of my life up to the Lord because I am not interested in dating any other guys who are only partially in it or are only partially following the Lord. But it is not always the guy's fault. I know that I have much to work on emotionally and spiritually. The Lord isn't finished with me yet and I know that I am not in a place right now where a relationship is a good idea. One day, I will be able to grow in the Lord with someone else, but until that day comes I will continue to pursue Him on my own. I am in no rush. I've got my whole life ahead of me! I'm also in no rush to finish this post because I have a whole other section... YEAH!!!
You don't deserve - You do deserve:
- You don't deserve someone who leads you on. You do deserve someone who makes their intentions fully known from the start. If you have been "talking" to someone for months and they have made no effort to make anything else of it, get out of it. Unless there is a really good reason for the long wait, it isn't worth feeling like you aren't good enough to be their only one.
- You don't deserve someone who takes FOREVER to reply to your texts/ calls. You do deserve someone who gets back to you as soon as they can. I know this sounds rather silly, but it is so true. If I really, really, want to talk to someone I will literally reply in ten seconds unless I am super duper busy or something. If they can't take ten seconds to reply to you, you probably don't mean that much to them. I'm not saying to expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to reply to you EVERY SINGLE SECOND of the day, but come on guys. We live in 2015. I know you have your phone and it isn't that big of an inconvenience to reply to a text. hahaha I'm saying this to myself because recently I have gotten TERRIBLE at replying... :|
- You don't deserve someone who always picks their friends over you. You do deserve someone who will choose you most of the time. I know the whole "bros before hoes" and "chicks before... well you know where this is going.." thing is really popular nowadays, but that should not be how it really is. If you are dating someone who will ditch you in a instant to hang with their friends or who will squeeze you in around their busy friend schedule, that is not what you deserve. You deserve someone who knows what a healthy balance between hanging with the guys and spending time with his girlfriend is (or if you're a guy, someone who knows what a healthy balance between girl time and spending time with her boyfriend is). I'm not saying that if you are in a relationship you must spend every waking moment with that person or else you suck. I'm saying that if you are in a relationship, you should truly want to spend time with that other person a lot. I've been in a relationship where I was almost always either ditched for his friends or squeezed in around his crazy party life. And it made me feel so worthless. That isn't what you deserve people!
- You don't deserve someone who tries to hide you. You do deserve someone who shows you off. If you are dating someone and they seem to plan all of your dates and hangouts in places that aren't very crowded or only takes you to the late show at the movies or you are always hanging out at your house or his house, that might be a bit of a red flag... if someone really, truly likes you and has the right intentions, they won't hide you. They would be more than happy to show you off to their friends or to post a picture of the two of you on instagram. Don't settle for being someone's hidden love.
- You don't deserve someone who only hears you. You do deserve someone who listens to you. If you talk to someone and it seems to go in one ear and right out the other, rethink some things. When someone really cares about you, the things you have to say have a lot of importance. Don't settle for someone who could care less about the conversations the two of you have.
- You don't deserve someone who knows nothing about you. You do deserve someone who remembers small details about you. Okay. This is probably one of the biggest things for me. It doesn't matter who or what, but if we are listening to music and someone (friend, family, or boyfriend) says something like "hey, Emily. Isn't this like one of your favorite songs? I know you really like this kind of music!" it makes my day. If someone remembers how I like my coffee or what my favorite color is or sees a sunflower and says something about how they know I love those, I just get super happy. People remembering little details about me just is so so so so meaningful to me. Little makes me happier than knowing that someone cares enough to pay attention to tiny details about my personality like that. If you have been dating someone for a while and they can't even recall your favorite color or the type of music you really enjoy, that could be a red flag that they don't really pay too much attention to you... and you deserve someone who wants to know everything about you. Someone who remembers that I hate potato chips and that I literally love everything about Ed Sheeran and that sunflowers are probably my most favorite things on the planet.
- You don't deserve someone who thinks your passions are silly. You do deserve someone who, even if they don't share the same passion as you, still finds it really awesome that you enjoy something so much. Knowing someone's passion is really inspiring to me. I love when I'm talking to someone about something that they really enjoy and you can tell how much they love it by the way that their eyes light up. That's so amazing to me. If the person you are dating gets annoyed when you talk about the things you find interesting, they may not truly be in it for you. You deserve someone who would gladly sit and listen to you ramble about your love for basketball and all of your favorite basketball players even if they know absolutely nothing about it. You deserve someone who would love to look at your photography portfolio and to hear the stories about the photos in it even if they don't know the difference between bokeh and white balance (you know I had to throw in some photography language hehe).
- You don't deserve someone who belittles your opinions. You do deserve someone who, even if they don't share the same opinion, can carry on a conversation with you about it without making you feel absolutely idiotic for feeling differently than them about something. Having different viewpoints on a topic is not a bad thing.. in fact it's a way to keep life interesting. Debating things is something that I actually really enjoy. But there is a difference between a lively debate and someone trashing your views. If the person you are dating can't accept your opinion and your differences, "drop em like it's hot" -Snoop Dog. ;)
- You don't deserve someone who texts, snapchats, or hangs out with lots of other girls(or guys if you're a male). You do deserve someone who will always show you that they are only interested in a relationship with you. I'm not saying you need to have weekly checks on your girlfriend's phone/ twitter DM's. I'm saying that you don't deserve someone who can't be satisfied by just talking to you. If the person you are dating has three other ladies on reserve, Snoop Dog quote him again. NO BOY OR GIRL IS WORTH THE PAIN OF FEELING LIKE YOU CAN NOT BE ENOUGH. And let me tell you, it sure does suck to know that the guy (or girl) you are dating or talking to can't be happy only talking to you. I've been there. If the guy you are interested in has a bit of a history of being a "tool", you may want to guard your heart just a little bit. And always remember that U ROCK AND IT ISNT UR FAULT. GIRL POWER! (or boy whatever you are). I have been kind of hurt in the past so I have a bit of a trust issue sometimes so it is really very hard for me to realize that someone could actually only like me. So something like this is very important to me. I'm not saying to burn your boyfriend at the stake if he texts another girl, but be wary because I've had guys tell me that if a boy keeps texting someone all the time, they are probably not only interested in them as friends. I guess that doesn't apply to all guys but it is still something to look out for.
- You don't deserve someone who will pressure you. You do deserve someone who respects your boundaries. If the girl/guy you are dating seems to pressure you into doing something that you do not feel comfortable with, honey get outta there. If they can't respect your purity, they are not worth the pain. Don't do anything that you will later regret (even if you don't regret it in the moment). It's just so much better to wait. Nothing is worth the pain of realizing that you gave something away that you never can ever get back. But always remember that no matter what, you are forgiven in the Lord's eyes if you just come to Him. He will wash you white as snow. BETTER THAN CLOROX!!!!!
- You don't deserve someone who only takes from you. You do deserve someone who makes sure it is a win-win/ 50-50 relationship. If the person you are with seems to drain everything out of you and you feel like you are doing all of the work, why are you in it? A relationship is supposed to make you happy and uplift you. If all it is doing is bringing you down, LEAVE. Again, nothing is worth that pain.
- You don't deserve someone who hits you. You deserve someone who would never physically hurt you. I know this kind of thing typically is told to all mah sistas out there, but it could totally apply to guys to. If you get in an argument with your girlfriend and she starts slapping and hitting you... whatttttt.... no. Don't stand for that! Maybe she isn't as strong as you, but its the thought that is behind it. Its a physical thing that is meant to cause pain. That isn't very nice.... and the same thing goes to my ladies. If your guy is hitting you.... NONONO leave that guy because he is a boy and he is not worth it. Do not take any of that "it will never happen again" crap because, odds are, it will. You are not a punching bag. You are a child of the Most High!!!
- You don't deserve someone who constantly tries to argue with you. You do deserve someone who can works through disagreements without making it into a huge fight. I've never really understood fights... maybe thats because I'm literally the most passive aggressive person you will ever meet. Honestly. I am never mad. I can't get mad. Punch me.. I'll just look at you like a sad puppy. Talk about me... i'll just look at you like a sad puppy. Kill my family... I'll just look at you like a sad puppy. Okay, so the last one is not really true. I'd probably be a lil salty with you if you murdered my loved ones. But anyways. If you are dating someone and it seems like everything that happens results in a fight or an argument.. rethink some things. A relationships should not be an episode of Jersey Shore. You don't have to yell about everything. Calm down. Count to ten. Then try discussing things.
- You don't deserve someone who makes you question their relationship with Christ. You do deserve someone who shows that they trust the Lord with everything inside of them. If your significant other makes you think "What? I thought you were different than this..." a lot, take a step back babe. Your bf/gf should be strong enough in their faith that they can hold you accountable and they should trust in God with their whole being (and you the same). That kind of relationship is one that will last. And dating is just seeing if someone could possibly be suitable for marriage. I know that I do not want to be married to someone who's faith I question. This doesn't mean that you should abandon your boyfriend if he is going through big doubts or is facing temptation or a struggle in his faith. You should be there to support him through that. This is if you have never seen him truly living for God even if he professes it with his words. Words are meaningless without actions to back them up.
- You don't deserve someone who says they will call and doesn't. You do deserve someone who will call when they say they will. If your boyfriend tells you that he will call you at nine, he should call you at nine. If he really can't, don't bust your cap but I for one know that ten minutes isn't that big of a deal and if they can't set aside those few minutes to talk with you when they tell you they will, thats not very nice. But don't go breaking down his door in fury if he calls at 9:02 or if he doesn't call because his grandmother died... that is silly. But if he (or she) doesn't have a reason as to why he couldn't, that isn't good. This also goes for dates. If they just don't come to get you when they say they will....LEAVE. Being stood up sucks and if they really wanted to see you, they would be there for sure. trust me.
- To end this crazy long list: You don't deserve someone who is a child in their faith. You deserve someone who loves the Lord with all their heart, mind, and soul and shows that through their words and actions. No further explanation really needed here.
emily :)
